LAST WEEK I applied to 20 jobs on Elance.com
IT FELT like an out of body experience.
I DID NOT receive any interest in the form of follow up emails.
I WAS INVITED by a company in Bangladesh to write 500 word articles for $2.
BDSM & America
Hi. My name is J and I’m here today for a double violation received last week while traveling to a job interview in Gahenna.
I am writing a script for traffic court because I am not confident when it comes to figures of authority in the system of justice. My family can talk their way out of speeding tickets with charisma. My charisma is limited to interactions with musicians, poets and teachers. It’s so great but does not save time or money.
Double citations.
Passing on a double line.
Proceeding to speed at a pace of 45mph on Cherrybottom road.
Bullshit citations. Bestowed by an attractive officer by the name of Van. In our unfortunate interaction, I am fake polite and his presense is imposing. I am preoccupied with the difference in power I feel sitting down, having to look up at a man with an imposing attitude.
You need to pay the fine at the address listed by the date listed or you may choose to appear in court. Failure to oblige will result in a warrant for your arrest and I'm sure you don't want that, do you?
I look at Van for an inappropriate amount of time, telepathically communicating rage before saying Thank you and looking away. It's all very passive aggressive and I'm not proud. Neither person left the exchange with feelings of well being.
After receiving both citations I arrive late to a job interview as a candidate to edit BDSM videos for a divorced couple, who are both dominants and we could assume that is why their marriage ultimately did not work out. There’s also probably an element of jealously as the woman has more followers in Columbus Ohio, specifically, men working in retail.
Everyone has a fetish! Says the man holding the interview. Everyone. I have a fetish, you have a fetish and it doesn't even have to be anything too weird. I mean, my fetish is women with nice butts. If there was a place with a lot of women walking around with nice butts, sure! Maybe I would pay some money to be there!
As the interview progresses I doubt my candidacy to edit videos as I am persuaded to appear a video involving hypnosis. You really would be perfect because you're attractive but I mean you look normal, he concludes enthusiastically. Thank you, I say and I look at him and I look away. Exiting the plush office, I leave feeling confused and intrigued and suspicious of myself thinking it possible to edit BDSM videos Monday-Friday 9-5.
Filing into traffic court the following week, I meet with a loud and swiftly speaking prosecutor wearing a beige suit. I say good morning and he says nothing back.
Hi. My name is J and I’m here today for a double traffic violation received last week while traveling to a job interview in Gahenna.
The exchange was quick and routine. I remember nothing that was said but one charge was graciously dropped. I leave feeling refreshed in some ways but also aware that so much time has been wasted.
I consider the United States system of justice. I consider the local underground scene of domination.
I drive home slowly despite wanting to go fast
Sometimes you fly into a cactus
Sometimes you do great
Sometimes you impress everyone
Sometimes you are acting questionable
Sometimes you walk in a cool breeze
Sometimes you fly into a cactus
Sometimes you survive
Sometimes you fly into it again
a month later
and you think
OH MY GOD
But then you survive
Then you get by
Then you get better
Then you do great
Mulch
Chinese Massage Internship Part II
My first reflexology client came to us after lifting bags of mulch all day.
I was nervous
and proceeded to ask
what is mulch?
Even though,
I know what mulch is!
He explained to me about mulch.
Mulch is that thing they make from tree bark and grass, it’s similar to dirt but with a strong smell. Mulch is used in landscaping.
No Deal
Chinese Massage Internship Part I
In exchange for English lessons I am learning reflexology with a healer named David from Chengdu.
Today, for some reason, we covered the phrase “No deal.” It has turned into a fun game and we can pretend to be angry with each other.
Me:
…How about I massage you for thirty minutes and you massage me twenty minutes?
David:
No Deal! Two Minutes.
Me:
What!?
David:
You massage me two hours. I massage you two minutes.
Me:
NO DEAL!
Or….
Me:
I want to practice. Can I massage you for twenty minutes?
David:
No deal! You make me uncomfortable!
Creepy life purpose
Perhaps momentarily
you lost your purpose
and had to lose it further
until viscerally
attached to elastic
the pull came for you
and the further away
you were walking or
you were running
from your own true
nature it tightens
and it strains
maybe you can feel it
pulling on your neck
or on your back until
SNAP
If you are lucky
this snap zips you back
to center
but what if
the thread snaps
completely and
you wander
further
away
from yourself?
Howling in Qatar
There is a thing that pushes us somewhere
I love this thing
that makes us
meet restriction with our teeth, howling and rolling around wild
until set loose
So that we may continue walking
to this unknown place
Yes we are advancing blindly
but to stop means to become all shadows
You know
the lightness that comes with freedom
the wholeness that comes from love
the butterfly feeling
the violet ecstasy
bleeding
from these beautiful things